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3 Ways to Prepare for a Divorce

Sep 03, 2023

While no one wants to think their marriage will end poorly, it's a statistical likelihood that it could happen to anyone. According to Statista, there were 67.54 million married men and 68.33 million married women in the United States in 2021. Unfortunately, there's a chance many are no longer together. When people find themselves in a situation where ending a marriage is inevitable, many turn to a local divorce lawyer for help. Regardless of the circumstances causing the separation, here are three ways to prepare for the split..


1. See What You Can Do to Avoid Court


There are times when you both agree that the marriage isn't working and you have to figure out how to reasonably split any assets, debts, child and spousal support, and other matters. If that's the case, then you can see about using a divorce service that sends you the forms for your state and you create a marital settlement agreement. If you can't do that, then you will want to contact a local divorce lawyer.


2. Think About the Parenting Arrangements


Divorce isn't just hard on the people going through it. Children are also affected, especially since it's going to change their daily dynamics and where they live. It's a good idea to discuss how that's going to happen. Try to do it civilly and not use the children as pawns against each other. Use a calendar to figure out where the children will stay on certain days. Locking in holiday plans in advance is important because you don't want the children to feel left out on a certain day, especially if it's at the last minute.


3. Get All of Your Necessary Documents Together


You want to make sure that you have all the relevant documents to give to your local divorce lawyer. These include marriage licenses, life insurance policies, a list of financial assets and debt, retirement plans, any payment information, tax returns, and so much more. All of these will paint the clearest picture of what assets can be split.


You need to be ready for a lot of things when it comes to divorce, even if it's a mutual one. You want to set up your own bank account, get a new, secure email and change any passwords to anything that you jointly shared or your social media. If you do these things, you should have an easier time. If this list feels overwhelming, our services can help! Do you feel like your marriage is beyond saving? Do you need a
local divorce lawyer? Contact Oberst DeFala Law, PC today so we can help you navigate this difficult time with ease.

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I graduated law school in Portland, Oregon and moved home to Connecticut to practice law with my father. For more than two decades I have worked on hundreds of divorce cases, involving everything from best friends who just could not be married to each other anymore to bitter enemies bent on each others misery and destruction. I believe that my experience in and out of the trenches gives me unique insight into how to help people survive their divorce with the least possible amount of personal/emotional/financial damage. Not everyone needs a divorce, but if you need one, you deserve to Love Your Divorce! Sharon Oberst DeFala
By Hibu Websites 11 Feb, 2020
I want to introduce you to a great divorce video series and website called “Single Process, the process of going from a we to a me.” https://www.singleprocess.me/ Barbara Hazelton and Jo Briggs are empowering women through their own investigation into all of the questions surrounding divorce: legal, finanical, personal, parenting, dating, and many more. They do their homework, interview experts, and help people navigate their way through what can be a daunting process. My episode just aired and it is about preparing for your divorce before you even meet your lawyer. https://www.singleprocess.me/prep Don’t just watch me, though. See what topics apply to you and watch as much as you need. I am proud to be a small part of this important work.
By Hibu Websites 11 Feb, 2020
The most important tool in your divorce is frequently the most over-looked, and avoided. Even its name is off-putting; but it is the key to understanding all of the other issues which arise. It is called (drumroll, please), “The Financial Affidavit” (yawn). Frankly, most people should keep a current finanical affidavit available whether or not they are contemplating divorce. A financial affidavit is just a form that shows you how much you have in income, expenses, liabilities and assets. While these may sound like no-brainer questions, most people cannot accurately answer these questions off the top of their heads. Sometimes one member of a family knows all the answers and the other just relies on that person. Sometimes neither party can answer them. Rarely, but sometimes, both parties are very aware of all of the finances. It is surprising to me how often a client – or an opposing party – resists using the simple form available on the Judicial Branch websites of most states. It can be a little complicated the first time you look at it (for example, in Connecticut, you have to divide every monthly amount by 4.3 weeks). But the value of this tool far outweighs its inconvenience. Here is a link to the CT “Long Form” to give you a sense of the questions it poses. https://jud.ct.gov/webforms/forms/FM006-LONG.pdf WHY: Look, I hate to be the one to tell you, but divorces frequently come down to a set of financial decisions. After the child-rearing and emotional issues have been resolved, it is similar to a business transaction. People want to know: How much child support will I have to pay or receive? How much alimony? What portion of the debts and assets will be assigned to me? The answer to these basic and all-important questions is not a secret magical formula. It is a direct function of the information contained in your own personal financial picture. Simply put, better informed is better prepared. Building your own financial affidavit will likely compel you to ask questions and make some calculations that you never thought to ask. Questions like how much money do we spend on restaurants each week? How much equity is in our house right now? Do we have retirement accounts, and how much are they worth? Not only is this good information for the court. It is good information for you. If you are trying to imagine what a post-divorce future will look like, knowing your finanical picture can help define those scenarios. Picture knowing how much money you would have if you sold your house; how much disposable income you have right now; and what you are paying for health insurance each month. These are the questions people pay attorneys and financial consultants to help them figure out. And, ironically, you are the only one who can get them the information which unlocks these secrets! WHEN: Early and often. If you bring a completed financial affidavit with you to your first meeting with your divorce attorney or mediator, you will save yourself time and money getting to the heart of what the case will entail. In most jurisdictions you will need to disclose the information within the first few weeks of any divorce action, and so will your spouse. So, why wait? Get the information to your attorney as soon as you can. The earlier your lawyer or mediator is informed about your case, the more accurate they can be in looking for an appropriate resolution. FAQ: Why should I divulge my information to my spouse? Aren’t we going to be fighting about this? Shouldn’t I keep it a secret? Answer: The court will compel you to share all information, anyway. Any knowledge which is not exchanged voluntarily is likely to come out on the witness stand – either in deposition or at trial – anyway. But, of course, voluntarily costs less time and money. HOW: Despite the mysterious-sounding 4.3 weeks rule and all of the detail (weekly grooming costs!?), these forms are straightforward once you understand them. And, as with so many things, the internet has made the work easier than ever. Start by finding your most recent paystubs, tax returns, mortgage loan statement, and credit/debit card statements (these can be downloaded from your banking institution). These 4 sets of documents will provide you 80% of your necessary information. When you are ready to get started, set aside one hour of time. Supply yourself with one scratch copy of the form to work on and a blank copy to fill-in later, a sharpened pencil & eraser, a calculator, a note pad for jotting questions or doing calculations, and a tall glass of your favorite beverage. Preferably non-alcoholic, to cut down on mistakes. Then, start filling in the blanks. Any questions you still can’t answer, just make a note and move on. Pro tip: On your first time through the form, use the figures as you find them. If your mortgage is a monthly amount; write it that way. If you spent a total of $5,000 on vacations last year; write it that way. Get your figures all in one place; convert it to weekly later. Once your first draft is complete you have a choice – you can stop there and give the draft and your supporting documentation to a professional to complete for you. You have already saved yourself hours of professional fees by making a solid first draft. Or, you can go for it and convert the figures to weekly on your own. It is not so hard. Any monthly amount gets divided by 4.3. Any annual amount gets divided by 52. So, if you spent $5000 on vacations last year, you would put $96 as your weekly vacation budget. If your monthly mortgage loan payment is $2000, that’s $465 per week. And now – here’s the icing on the cake… you have created your own financial snap shot! If you are not getting a divorce, you have a realistic budget to use when you plan for future events. If you are going through a divorce you now know what each of you should have when the smoke clears. Even if its not much, at least you know what it is! What We Love: Divorce is an opportunity for growth. Taking charge of your life begins with understanding your finances and leads to your own empowerment.
By Hibu Websites 11 Feb, 2020
I sat across from a very happy man. He is recently separated from his wife of 25 years. His children, through with their education, are ready for the next phase of their lives and so was he. I had known my friend for more than 20 years and this was the happiest I had ever seen him. He had nothing bad to say about his wife. Not then, and not now. Now, after waiting patiently for 2 decades he is ready to move on with his life. He is not in a hurry. He is not dating. He is living in a world where nobody is mad at him. He wakes up in the morning and eats what he likes for breakfast that day. All day every day, he makes his decisions, he goes about his days, he does his work, and he pays the bills. But now he does all of that out of the shadow of his angry and judging wife. Still, 20 years down the tubes can’t be easy for anyone. I asked him what he thought now that he was seeing the light at the end of this particular tunnel, of all that had happened before. He was beaming. The happiness he feels at just being alone cannot be contained or concealed. He said, “It is not anyone’s fault. We were not the right fit for each other. I love her, I will always love her. She raised my children. In fact, in many ways, she raised me. But I am looking forward to someday falling in love with somebody who is madly in love with me.” These are not spring chickens, and dismantling a lifestyle is difficult work, but they are doing it at their own pace. They will sell their house, establish two new residences; divide their belongings and their debts. They will do all of that over the course of the next 6 to twelve months, one step at a time. And, when they have completed this work, they will file for divorce. No judge will be able to tell them who lives in what house; or how to distribute the assets. These are wise people who have made decisions together for half of their lives. This final batch of decisions – the ones in which they create their own ending – may be the most critical ones they have ever made. By refusing to blame each other, hate anyone, or make things tumultuous, they are creating a future in which they will always be able to respect each other. Sometimes the decision to divorce is a rushed and emotional result of an unhappy moment, or series of moments. Sometimes it is a patient conclusion to a lifetime of causes and effects. Either way, the process of divorce can still be a time to carefully consider the best alternatives for everyone involved – spouses and children, even adult children. When we focus our attention on the culprit, look for a bad guy, and aim for retribution, we risk missing the delicate and somewhat beautiful opportunity to see a bigger picture and a wider world. What We Love: Whoever said that patience is a virtue missed the fact that it is also a gift to one’s self.
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